Messages from September
Sometimes loud and sometimes quiet, these three messages seem to have woven themselves through the last month, making themselves *quite* known to me
I was so determined that September was going to be my month of slowing down.
All the poetic instagram posts about letting go in September like trees letting go of leaves. It was the dream.
I had no plan, but a hope and a prayer that my chock-a-block diary was going to smooth itself out. I was going to get some rest during the week and not just collapse at the weekend and, most importantly, I was going to feel in control of things again.
But with no plan, nothing changed. Instead my anxiety flared at the start of the month, I couldn’t sleep and I had constant chest pains. My health was telling me that changes needed to be made, like now.
So I was forced to create some better routines and, in September, I focused on my evening routine - moulding and shaping it into something I now I look forward to and find very calming. Before, when I would get home late, my head would still be full from teaching and I’d go to bed not able to switch off and waking in the night with my mind racing. Now, I’m listening to an audiobook on the drive home and it’s amazing how much that alone is encouraging me to switch from business-mode to home.
I highly recommend what I’ve listened to so far:
Days at the Morisaki Bookshop by Satoshi Yagisawa (loved this wonderful ‘slice of life’ story from Japan, and the person reading it has the most soothing voice)
The Pumpkin Spice Cafe by Laurie Gilmore (I snobbishly thought it would be rubbish from the title, actually loved it)
The Strawberry Thief, by Joanne Harris (I’m currently being swept away by this story of magic, chocolate and ink)
So audiobooks are here to stay. When I get home, I make a light supper, planning ahead to make sure I have something in thats quick to make, satiating but easily digestible. And, my favourite, I’ve introduced an indulgent skincare routine that involves copious amounts of soothing-scented creams all over different parts of my body from hands to chest and feet. I’m skipping watching television in favour of reading my book in bed, and trying my hardest not to look at my phone.
It’s during the day that I find I’m still rushing from one thing to another. But, and I think it’s what’s enabling the change, is that I’ve become more aware of it, and the universe is definitely on my side when sending me messages to further cultivate this awareness.
There have been three messages in particular that keep coming up for me in different ways and forms, and I’m sharing them now in case they are useful for you. They are:
We can go gently all the time
I was in a yoga class transitioning from Mountain pose at the top of the mat to a Warrior 2 facing the back. The teacher broke down each part of that transition, it wasn’t just “step your foot back and turn round” her cues included so many tiny details and, as a result, there was so much to notice in my body as I moved. “We can choose to go gently all the time,” she said. Those words sunk into me and have been in my mind ever since.
I started to notice how I automatically want to do everything on fast-mode. I want to blame phones and technology and everything being instant now for this, that we just can’t slow down because everything needs to be now. Even after that beautiful yoga class off I was - rushing to get up after Savsasana, rolling my mat up, speeding to put props away, quickly grabbing my shoes to be out the door. On, on, on to the next thing. So much to do, so busy all the time.
Busy. I was reading on The Muse that half of all working adults (in the US) are so burnt out and they are worried that its impacting their health - as if they need another thing on their mind contributing to that sense of overwhelm. It is a radical thing to suggest going against the grain and slowing down. It’s even more radical to try and actually do it. Have we created, as The Muse suggests (and I’m inclined to agree), a ‘cult of busy’. I’m becoming so aware of my need for speed, to get to the next thing and the next thing, and for what? The to-do list never ends, and I’m not getting any less tired.
But what happens when we do choose to go gently, to slow down, to prioritise simply being. What if we did choose to breakaway from the cult of spreading-ourselves-too-thin. Would we be bored or would we leave space for magic?
Don’t be afraid of failure. But fail fast and move on.
How often have you stopped yourself from trying something for fear of failure? I know I have. I’ve been so scared of looking silly or inept to friends, family and even complete strangers.
I don’t listen to The Diary of a CEO podcast very much anymore, but I remember the episode with Ariana Huffington, and she said:
Yes, I was ambitious, but also I was willing to fail because… failure is not the opposite of success, it’s a stepping stone to success. So I was never afraid of failing. And I think so often people are reluctant to try something, to risk something, because anything really ambitious, anything really important you want to achieve, there are no guarantees.
She recommended breaking things down into the smallest steps possible. Don’t try and meditate for 20-minutes right away. Start with 60-seconds, and if you can’t do that learn what it is you can do and build from there.
I’ve made some mistakes in September. I’ve wasted money, sent out incorrect messages, turned back on decisions and wondered why on earth I’m trying to do any of it at all. But failure isn’t the end. It’s the answer to the question: what if I try this? Sometimes it doesn’t work out. But at least when you then ask, well, now what if I try this? you’ve got some data behind it.
Nothing is set in stone.
This was a message from an oracle card that I didn’t want to receive. I kinda wanted an answer that was set in stone, please, no more surprises. But it was a good reminder: nothing is absolute. There’s always the possibility of change, for better or worse. We can’t get attached to anything because what if we don’t get we want?
In yoga philosophy, there’s aparigraha meaning non-possessiveness and non-attachment - so not getting attached to possessions, people or to titles. By practicing detachment we can avoid suffering the emotions that come with being possessive and we give ourselves, and the people around us, freedom. Dream and hope and work for something, but at the end of the day we cannot control anything but our own reactions to the result. Does that help liberate or does it boggle the mind further?
And so, go gently, don’t be afraid of failing, and practice non-attachment: those were my messages from the month of September. October is a new chance to stay being gentle, kind and compassionate to ourselves and to others.
What do you think?